Time Away IS a Good Thing

I've recently had some long awaited time away from my kids. Way too long awaited, and looking back, I set myself up for for how long it took.

Sure, I've got an hour here and there to do things like go take care of my horse, run to the grocery store, go to a hot yoga class, or go to the YMCA to work out. But, because I always feel guilty for ever asking whoever agrees to watch them (usually my mom when it's that short) I'm always rushed to get back home, and there is not a leisure, casual enjoyment about it. Because I always feel guilty for asking anyone to ever watch my kids, I also tend to underestimate how long they will be watching them, always hoping I'll be back sooner for their sake. Hense the rushing back part. I honestly don't know why I do this, because it's not like my kids are terrors or anything. And, people always have the option to say no if I ask. I guess it just goes back to that guilt thing for asking.

Plus, from September til the beginning of February we were making weekly trips down to Children's Hospital for both children. Both of our children have had some pretty serious chronic medical conditions that has required close medical monitoring. It was not uncommon for us to have several appointments in one week on different days. Of course, this required us to ask people pretty regularly to watch one or the other of the kids when one would have to do appointments where the other couldn't be there, like for radiation (which unfortunately both of them had to do quite a bit as a diagnostic tool). So, when we were asking folks (those few we trusted) to watch the kids so much already, I felt pretty bad asking them to watch the kids any more just for my sanity sake. Looking back, I really should have and don't know how I survived that time of our lives; it was so aweful and stressful.

Another reason I didn't make it out before now: Most people have this impression that because my husband is a firefighter and has a schedule of two to three 24 hour shifts a week, he's home all the rest of the week and is just chillaxin at home with me and the kids. NOT the case. We typically get a half a day a week where we're all there at the same time. What most people don't know is he has 2 other jobs that keep him gone long hours, and most days he's "home" from the fire department he's out at those jobs fixing fire trucks and ambulances. It's the price we've chosen to pay for me to be able to stay home. So, this false impression I think led many people to believing that I didn't need help.

Nursing the little one has also made leaving the house a challenge for me. I''ve always worried that he'd suddenly starve if I was gone too long, and was extremely hesitant to move to bottles at all, in fear that he'd begin reject nursing in favor of bottles.

Well, three weeks ago all excuses were forced aside and I pulled some long ass 12 hour days away from home. Low-and-behold, he took the bottles (and my boob that night) just fine. I'd worried that I would miss them so much my heart would burst and low-and-behold, I did just fine. I did better than fine. I really, really, enjoyed it! I found myself more patient and engaged with them when I got home those evenings! I'd also worried that my husband would not do well having both of them alone that long since he hadn't done it before. Low-and-behold, he did just fine as well! Shocking! Not to discredit his abilities, he's an excellent hands on dad. He'd just been playing it off until then that 2 was too much for him, I think just to avoid the stress of it. At any rate. Lessons learned:

1.) Do not feel sorry for asking for help; people CAN say no
2.) Schedule the time away regularly; they will survive with out me
3.) My own sanity benefits from the separation
4.) I look at them with fresh eyes when I return
5.) Landon (the little one) will take a bottle, and still loves the boob!!
6.) If anything, over-estimate the time I'll be gone, so I can relax and enjoy it, even if it's doing
simple things like grocery shopping
7.) My husband does just as good a job with 2 as he does with 1 and even if he doesn't do it
MY way, he still does it well (note to self: let go control freak)
8.) Time away IS a good thing