Sometimes you just don't know

Today I managed to luck out and have both kids sleeping at the SAME time! This rarely happens. I almost always have one or the other, or both up. It was glorious the first five minutes. Then, I was like, "what the heck do I do?" Cleaning I usually can't do with them up but don't want to do when my husband is home? Sit on my duff and do nothing but FB and read because I CAN? Do I work in my garden? Napping wasn't an option since there was a kid in each of our only 2 bedrooms (as much as I really wanted to just do that).

I started off by fixing myself lunch and actually sat down to eat it. What a simple thing, sitting to eat. And yet, something this mommy just doesn't seem to get much of. I still found myself rushing through it, giving myself indigestion because I was afraid they would wake up before I could finish.

Then I moved on to updating our medical emergency sheet since our kids' medical issues seem to be ever changing. An important thing to do, but one that takes time I just don't seem to have much of these days. Half way into the editing Morgan wakes up after 45 minutes of what is usually a 3 hour nap. "He can sit and hang out in the crib a while" I think to myself as I finished what I was working on. He didn't fuss too much...just started talking and making his usual animal noises. When he began to really cry I begrudgingly went to get him.

I went from being unhappy with him to feeling like the WORST mommy in the world as I felt his REALLY wet cloth diaper. Man oh man! Did I felt guilty! Then, as I began to change his diaper I saw the man size poop! Poor little guy had woken up wet and poopy and I had let him sit there by himself for like 20 minutes in it! Bad mommy! Bad! I felt so guilty.

He does sign language and signed "milk" to me which indicated to me that he wanted a glass of milk and to go back to bed. "Well that's good" I thought, "I can have more quiet time" then immediately felt guilt again for being selfish and thinking of my needs before his. I rocked him with his milk and he snuggled as far into my arms as he could get. I think he would have crawled into my skin if he could have. I was feeling even more guilty now, getting all this love after sitting in wet poopy diaper, and me secretly wanting him back to sleep so I could have more quite time. He really layered on the guilt even further as he blew me my kisses when I laid him back down, and they kept coming all the way until I closed the door.

Well, obviously there was no freakin way for me to know why he woke up so early from his usual nap. His brother got paybacks for him though because soon after laying the older one back down, the younger one woke up. Sigh. See, I knew it was too good to be true.

At least I got a lunch break today. When you're a stay at home mom with an infant and a toddler, there are usually no such things as lunch breaks. I sure don't get to call in sick, and obviously I'm not working enough hours to earn vacation either because I rarely if ever get that. Obama, is healthcare reform going to provide any types of benefits for the position of full time exempt stay at home mom? I think I need a mental health day (or two) to recover from the constant guilt and exhaustion that wracks my brains and body.